It's my life

I find that at times the emotional state of human beings can be quite so complex that we ourselves are puzzeled over how we experiance our emotions. At the end of it all, we can know almost everything there is to know about our physical selves but never come to terms with how we truly feel inside. And often, and far too often in fact, we as people are too ashamed and scared to admit to our same species and at times even to ourselves what we do feel. I find it perplexing for example why someone cannot admit to jealousy. It is after all only a human emotion and when it does strike someone, it is only a natural reaction, as is surprise and happiness is to other events. Jealousy may prove that you care or love enough to feel that strongly about a person or passion. Greed I believe is different though. It is a selfish emotion that claims possesssion and want for things that probably do not matter, and why want more with the thought that there are those for mere want of survival in the world?

Yes, the species we are are tormentingly contradicting and almost altogether uncanny in our behaviour. In just a look of vibe, we are able to come to full understanding of a situation and in that same instant we can chose to make or break it. How we can dismiss the feelings of others and ignore them, pretending to not understand and claiming to not have known. How complex and painful being what we are can become, when none, not even yourself can overcome the turmoil that is yours and others' inner beings.

The fact that people have developed the narrow state of mind that they can judge a person according to what their outside appearence says, the way they dress, the way they talk, and even the attitudes. No one ever bothers to consider what that person has been through or ever try to understand others. They never want the time to find the unusaul and often wonderful inner person that they may learn to love despite what they give off. But I suppose that is the nature of people and perhaps I am wrong, and my perception of life is just corrupted. You can decide for yourdelf. Afterall, you are your own person.

The image above can be found at: http://www.mobilepark.eu/wallpapers/240x320/Love/

I find it pretty strange how mankind functions. We always want something in return for another thing. We were talking today in a group about who was the first smart one to convince another smart one to take the pretty shiny piece of gold instead of bartering some real goods. What is money? You can't eat it. You can't wear it. It won't protect you against ill. It's nothing really, and yet it governs our lives. It controls us. What does it all boil down to in the end? In the end we are doing exactly what all the other creatures are doing. Surviving. The human species just has this tendency to over-do and over-complicate everything so vastly when actually that was not God's intention. We create so many problems for ourselves and cause ourselves so much unnecessary stress and pain and we forget to live. We all going the same way one day, so why do humans always have to over complicate their existence when really in relation to the rest of the universe and infinite time, we are a split-second, a microscopic entity in contrast.

And then you get people that think that they know everything.

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seem limitless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out. But it's more than that isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear. "

Stephen King, Different Seasons, Hodder Publishers, 1992, "The Body", Pg. 321

That piece by Stephen King really touched me the first time I read it, and the more I read it, the more aware I become of how complicated the human being can be and how cruel sometimes. How unaware and unattached most people are to their emotions and feelings. It saddens me to think how shallowly most people live their lives and how they don't seem to appreciate the simple pleasures and beauty in their lives.

Yeah... its now school holidays and we all free at last! Not me really though... I'm working as a waitress so that I can earn a few bucks. I want to go sky diving once I've made enough you see but I still don't know who I wanna share the experience with.

The holiday so far has been great really. Just hanging out with my friends, a party or two. and working of course.

I also got a round to some writing that I'm doing on a book I'm writing. Its a fantasy, and it starts off comething like this...

Today at break time I decided to walk to perimeter of the school, following the road around the whole school alone. It was very good I felt to walk alone for a bit, get a chance to think things through. Wonder about life. I let my feet pace themselves, let them walk fast if they wanted to, stop if they needed, without instruction, without constrictions. I was my own person, boundless, going where I wanted to for the first time.

The stretch of road span out before me making me visualise it as my life... the white lines directing me, flowing endlessly before me. I tripped over some stones in the way but for the most part, the significance of the walk was the best I could ever have.

A quote by one of the characters in the Book Insomnia by Stephen King. It's quite a quote to live by I think, If you think about how much time we actually spend complaining and moaning about such small pointless things that you actually look past the beauty of the world and fail to see any positive. In life we all go through times where secretly we don't feel like being comforted and we just need the human sympathy that we don't always get. The truth I think is that it really isn't a long walk back to "Eden" or paradise... It's everywhere you look if you bothered, you can feel it in the breeze, see it in the bright colours of Autumn leaves, smell it in the sweet air, hear it in the pure trickling of water, taste it in the fine fruits of the earth. If you only bothered to savour the moment.

But life isn't always that bad. The ride can be fun too, if you'd laugh off the little jumps in the road, forgive the little mood swings of your steed and just generally learn how to ride.